Self Love

Self Love

Self love essentially is accepting yourself for who you are, including your “imperfections.”  It’s treating yourself with respect and being kind to yourself.  Be mindful of your self talk, if you wouldn’t say that to your best friend, why are you saying it to yourself? If accepting yourself is proving to be impossible because you believe you’re not attractive enough, you’re too scared to risk the unknown or you deem yourself a failure, then it’s time to get out of your own way!  We all slip into the trap of comparing ourselves to others, which generally comes from a place of deep insecurity based on our own interpretations.  And if you are doing 600 squats a day and still think your not worthy, remember this: being good looking guarantees nothing—not confidence, not happiness, not love.  Personality on the other hand, guarantees a lot more and can be your best asset.  I love exercising, but I learnt many moons ago that I’m never going to be Elle “The Body” McPherson, so I choose to channel my energy into humour instead.  Accepting yourself will not only create a better space to be more vulnerable, open and authentic, it will mean that your friends will become a reflection of how you love yourself.

Sometimes we need to stop the love search and work on loving ourselves first.  Finding true love will be easier and more natural and will come in its own time.  When we love and respect ourselves we stop looking externally for someone to make us feel better and co-dependency fades, because the love is coming from within.  Someone who looks after themselves is less needy and goes with the flow. When you love yourself fully, you become more in tune with your real feelings, trust your intuition and judgement and are more choosy with who you are sharing your energy with.

What is self-love anyway?

  • Not being afraid to live the life you’ve always dreamed of, and going with it wholeheartedly
  • Being good to yourself, being kind and compassionate, especially during difficult times and thinking positive thoughts about your strengths.
  • Eating well, exercising, drinking plenty of water and taking care of your body
  • Having the courage to stand up for what you believe in, no matter what
  • Being passionate about what makes you come alive, and sharing it with others
  • Knowing and understanding who you really are
  • Not being afraid to be vulnerable; keeping your heart open
  • Choosing to be happy; looking for the good in every situation and learning from past mistakes
  • Forgiving yourself and being grateful for what you have


Be very aware of your values and live a life according to them, as this will attract people into your life with a similar mind set.  Without self-love, we can be highly self-critical and fall into people-pleasing and perfectionism.  Under-selling ourselves is another downfall.  I’ve found myself before literally telling people “Don’t ask me, I suck at that.”  No wonder I didn’t get taken up on the offer, it was a self-fulfilling prophecy.  We’re more likely to tolerate abuse or mistreatment from others and may neglect our own needs and feelings from self-depreciating. Do you regularly feel guilty and have no boundaries?  You may be self-sabotaging and making decisions that aren’t in your own best interest.  There is a need to be more assertive, pursue interests that you love and be proud to be you.  This isn’t being selfish or narcissistic, it’s a basic human need and is essential to survive in a balanced state.

According to a survey by Vitagne, 48% of millennials think social media negatively impacts self love, and research by Huffpost concluded that 1 out 3 individuals globally have difficulty with accepting or valuing themselves.  The internet offers 9:1 ratio of conflicting advice versus accurate helpful content and in the USA, 16 Billion dollars was spent on cosmetic plastic surgery in 2016, reflecting the lack of self acceptance among masses.  Social media tries to keep us feeling bad about ourselves so that we spend more money on the products and services that are trending.

To get started on your self care journey, identify one loving thing you can do for yourself today, a supportive thought or action. Then write an affirmation that you WILL do this today by a certain time without any ifs or buts. This sets the intention, eases accountability and increases the chances of success. As you continue to bring more positive thoughts and actions to your daily routine, they will start to defeat the sabotaging ones. With practice, self-love will become second nature.

If you would like to learn more about self love, I am a Soul Coach and Counsellor in Aspendale.  Find out more on my website: